If there’s one thing we don’t want in a relationship, it is a verbal fight. No one wants to live with a person who’d drive us crazy or cause us undue emotional pains. Unfortunately, there are things that won’t go according to our wish all the time and there are situations we won’t be able to pull out very easily. Relationships like those of a husband and a wife, parents, and their children, siblings, friends, and business partners, etc. are just a few examples where our personal choice to remain in or pull out of a relationship becomes all the more difficult when things start to go in the wrong direction.
The art of relationship management is a spiritual art. Most people approach the crisis from the standpoint of reason and noisy arguments, not realizing that there’ll be no winner at the end of the battle. The mysterious urge to prove oneself right instead of saving a relationship is so strong that it clouds our ability to judge what lies beyond those petty lines of arguments. We seek to retort, only minding a singular objective in our hearts: to prove the other fellow wrong. That kind of approach hardly does anyone any good. At best, you can have it over the other person and, maybe, come to terms with them later on. At worst, you’ll lose them for good.
The real test of a person’s true faith and trust in a relationship comes when the times are hard. Everyone can ignore what should be ignored when the mind is calm and the heartbeats its regular course. It doesn’t take an emotional load to keep your silence when things run their normal course. Our true mettle is tested when we feel bad and someone is giving us more reasons to feel worse. It’s moments of crisis like these we seek strength in the spiritual part of our being to do something going against our (seemingly) better judgment.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Two emotionally charged persons never make a sound judgment in any relationship. One of them has to have a mindset that is able to see what lies beyond those moments of crisis. To attain such an attitude is no less a challenge, but it’s also not something impossible. All it demands is a little spiritual awakening.
And, by a spiritual awakening, I don’t mean being excessively religious and performing ten times as many prayers as you normally do. It just means looking into our deeper selves; thinking of what would remain beyond this life and beyond those petty quarrels that consume us so intensely at times; pondering over this beautiful planet and realizing that it’s nothing more than a mote of dust in the vast universe our eyes are able to conceive; taking out some time each day to think over what’s causing disharmony in an otherwise beautiful relationship. All of these are matters that only come to the surface of our minds when we enter the realm of spirituality. In that state, everything we’ve been doing (consciously or unconsciously) to sabotage a relationship becomes so apparent and painful that we stormily ask for forgiveness — first from God and then from ourselves.
Reformation can be a slow process. Yet, at some point, we have to realize that it’s ‘impossible to build one's own happiness on the unhappiness of others’ and gain anything worthy from a worldly relationship. Life can be painful, times can be hard, relationships can be irritating, and things may not unfold the way you expected. But you have to remember that the only way out is to keep the flower of your humanity afresh in the soil of spirituality!
Written By: Roohani Online Spiritual Help